A broken heart and a myriad of heartaches forced me to search for the sense of what had happened.
These are what I managed to salvage from the people around me and from myself:
- You're giving the person that you love the right to hurt you. Even if that other person doesn't love you back
- Love is really Pain.
- We cease to be human when we reject love...
People don't use their memories until they need it.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
H for Her and Happiness
This will hurt badly. This will be painful.
This is the stage – I think – where I admit that I was happy when I was with my ex. Yes, I know that I was happy back then, because if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t be this sad at all. I guess that I really have to admit to myself that I was happy with her in order for me to move on and get over what I once considered the “love” of my life.
She made me really happy. She made me smile a lot. She made me want to share joy and happiness to her and to others. She made me want to be good for her.
Happiness was she.
The bitterness that I’m feeling stems from me telling myself that I wasn’t happy. It was one of my defense mechanisms from the pain; I told myself that I was never happy with her; at its freshest, denying that fact did help me get through, but now that the realization that it’s really over have sunk in, it’s not healthy to deny the happy times anymore. I know that acknowledging those ‘times’ will help me in the long run.
And with this I believe I’m a step closer to fully achieving what I want: completely getting over the loss.
After this line, you don’t have to read any further, but if you’re still interested, then read on.
Writing and recalling these things stings right now.
I’m letting go of the happiness and the memories.
Starting to loosen my grip on the things and events that made me happy with her:
- When I would lull her to sleep with the use of my fingers. I would make little circles on her shoulder or on the small of her back with the use of my fingers. She will then close her eyes and fall asleep like a baby. She’s a wonder to gaze at when she looks so peaceful. And I was really happy to bring that ‘peace’ to her…
- When she asked me “may dumi ako sa face?” I told her, “yes”. It was her mole. I thought it was something else. Touching that small brown spot on her left cheek always made me happy.
- When ever she feels down, I always manage to act stupid – not purposely – and this makes her smile. This in turn makes me happy… Even in my most stupid state, she still smiles.
- Being excited to go back to her whenever there is rowing practice and school.
- Every little thing that we did… the small things that didn’t matter but really made us happy.
- When her eyes light up whenever I give her a piece of paper with my writings on it.
- When we would sing like crazy because my car hasn’t got a radio.
A whole lot more happy times. but this is enough.
it stings really bad.
goodbye.
This is the stage – I think – where I admit that I was happy when I was with my ex. Yes, I know that I was happy back then, because if I wasn’t, then I wouldn’t be this sad at all. I guess that I really have to admit to myself that I was happy with her in order for me to move on and get over what I once considered the “love” of my life.
She made me really happy. She made me smile a lot. She made me want to share joy and happiness to her and to others. She made me want to be good for her.
Happiness was she.
The bitterness that I’m feeling stems from me telling myself that I wasn’t happy. It was one of my defense mechanisms from the pain; I told myself that I was never happy with her; at its freshest, denying that fact did help me get through, but now that the realization that it’s really over have sunk in, it’s not healthy to deny the happy times anymore. I know that acknowledging those ‘times’ will help me in the long run.
And with this I believe I’m a step closer to fully achieving what I want: completely getting over the loss.
After this line, you don’t have to read any further, but if you’re still interested, then read on.
Writing and recalling these things stings right now.
I’m letting go of the happiness and the memories.
Starting to loosen my grip on the things and events that made me happy with her:
- When I would lull her to sleep with the use of my fingers. I would make little circles on her shoulder or on the small of her back with the use of my fingers. She will then close her eyes and fall asleep like a baby. She’s a wonder to gaze at when she looks so peaceful. And I was really happy to bring that ‘peace’ to her…
- When she asked me “may dumi ako sa face?” I told her, “yes”. It was her mole. I thought it was something else. Touching that small brown spot on her left cheek always made me happy.
- When ever she feels down, I always manage to act stupid – not purposely – and this makes her smile. This in turn makes me happy… Even in my most stupid state, she still smiles.
- Being excited to go back to her whenever there is rowing practice and school.
- Every little thing that we did… the small things that didn’t matter but really made us happy.
- When her eyes light up whenever I give her a piece of paper with my writings on it.
- When we would sing like crazy because my car hasn’t got a radio.
A whole lot more happy times. but this is enough.
it stings really bad.
goodbye.
Monday, June 4, 2007
N for Neutral
“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” - Elie Wiesel
In a car that has an atomatic transmission, you would find the letters "P, R, N, D, L" on the gear box.
If you were made to choose between the letters "R, N, and D" what would you choose?
I wouldn't choose "N" or neutral... It won't get me anywhere.
I've chosen "N" on several occasions in my life, and I thought that I was doing the right thing. And I was proven wrong.
"Hey you. It's alright with me if you took 'their' side. I ain't mad at you. I even quite respect the fact that you chose a side unlike others."
Neutrality, as a lasting principle, is a sign of weakness; and is at times, a graver sin than belligerence.
In a car that has an atomatic transmission, you would find the letters "P, R, N, D, L" on the gear box.
If you were made to choose between the letters "R, N, and D" what would you choose?
I wouldn't choose "N" or neutral... It won't get me anywhere.
I've chosen "N" on several occasions in my life, and I thought that I was doing the right thing. And I was proven wrong.
"Hey you. It's alright with me if you took 'their' side. I ain't mad at you. I even quite respect the fact that you chose a side unlike others."
Neutrality, as a lasting principle, is a sign of weakness; and is at times, a graver sin than belligerence.
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